I found out four holes in my grinder teeth while exercising daily brushing routine. My dental hygiene has never been perfect but these holes are a different case. Have I been visited by a miniature woodpecker who drills my tooth for juicy calcium? Maybe, slight chance…In my next appointment with my dentist, I asked about these little holes and he said “these are clenching marks”. I wouldn’t label myself as a teeth grinder or clencher but evidence was strong.
That was the moment of my personal enlightenment.
My perception about myself does not match with things I do unconsciously or consciously.
Think about this, how many times you had to go above and beyond to explain yourself to somebody? To your manager, to your colleague or your friends and family? “I didn’t mean that”, “I was actually trying to do…” or any other phrase to explain yourself? And think vice versa, how many times you were wrong on somebody’s motives? How many times you were disappointed with someone based on your assumptions?
That all boils down to two keywords “assumption” and “perception”.
My perception about myself led me to a self destructive state when I first started to work. I was fresh out of college, it was a cool media job and I really liked it. Young people with good vibes and a nicely decorated office, noice!
But…
Recalling good old days in day time and nighttime are totally different cases folks. At nights all I can remember is how hard I was pushing myself for keeping up with the expectations of others. And who were the others? I don’t know. I cannot pinpoint to whom I was trying to work out that much for. Was I working too much for a career jump? More money? Keeping boss happy? I don’t know. I didn’t know back then and I still have no answer. By the way, I didn’t get a promotion or made more money at the end but had couple of nervous breakdowns in isolated areas and on occasional weekends.
This was in my first year in employment. I will be completing 7 years in couple of months with various roles and responsibilities and I am still struggling with my own perception. I keep high standards for myself and not achieving them swiftly or in correct shape literally hurts me. It hurts as I have developed several physical symptoms while others (anyone but me) seem to be doing okay. What is this happening to me but not others then? Did somebody make a declaration about this while I was in the bathroom?
Nope. No one said or declared anything. While I am still wishing for a fairy godmother to grant me a hefty sum of cash, I have to work and deal with my own issues simultaneously. That’s why I have developed a short circuit to handle my inner Hulk before it starts to smash.
1- Own and accept
Yes sometimes we do make mistakes or say things that we would’ve never if we had the second chance. Though luck, there is no second chance. That’s why we need to own the mistakes like the success we achieve. Repeat with me “I have the right to make mistakes, I have the right to be bad at something and it is mine. I had this issue, and it is now over. I have learned and grown out of it.”
Owning mistakes or failures or whatever inconvenience at hand, is the first step to rational thinking. Owning and acceptance is not a comfortable feeling, but crucial for survival.
2- Think long term
Imagine a situation that makes you uncomfortable. It can be working at night, a difficult conversation to be made or being in a place that would probably not be your first choice to be. While you are in that position, just don’t forget that it will end. It will end and your current, strong feelings will fade away in time. While struggling with current state, visit your future self. Connect with your future self, feel your freedom and let that “freedom” fill your spirit. Don’t forget, your current state will not last forever as nothing lasts forever.
3- Find distraction
Keeping work-life balance requires to have a “life” after office hours. I didn’t have much, as I was new to the city with no friends and all I had on my plate was…work. When work didn’t work out well, guess what happened? I was so unhappy and bummed out, I wasn’t able to participate in the office parties or other social events as I “had” to work because I wasn’t doing work “well enough”. It is a vicious cycle, totally not recommended. My way of escaping this was finding something near at hand for distraction. This can be drawing (good fit if you are into stationary), reading, taking some online classes, watching idle videos or anything. It will be hard at first (you have a job girl, what you doing???) but has to be done. It will be a living proof that things you are working on right now will always be there, with you and without you. Your energy, your mind and your body on the other hand, will deteriorate.
Spending time on distractions will help you to balance your mind and definitely add something that will turn out to be useful. For example I have recently started to draw (which I have no skill at all) and it helped me a to be comfortable with several assumptions I had. I have learned that my “no skill” thing shouldn’t be a showstopper. Even though I don’t have the skill, I created a nice looking output. Well, it may not be the best, but it is mine. But most importantly, it helped me to align my thoughts on success.
I have this hardcoded opinion on success stories: such story for me is unachievable and the person who does it is some sort of an exception and special. Don’t get me wrong because some people are really special. However, most of the time that’s not the case. We don’t see the hard work, dedication and other factors that participate in that success. Immediate success is a myth that unfortunately pumped to our minds.
Accomplishment takes time, exercise, failure and endurance.
Working on yourself is the toughest challenge, but it will be the most rewarding. Take the challenge; own it for better or worse and most importantly take good care of yourself ❤
